


Dear Jim

by Sass_Spock



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, I'm doing this for Nanowrimo so im going for qanity not quality right now., Letters, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Star Trek Beyond, set towards the end of their five year mission, this will be edited at a later date.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8556253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sass_Spock/pseuds/Sass_Spock
Summary: Jim's dead. Away mission gone wrong. Bones is trying to cope but failing so he starts writing letters to Jim. To tell Jim all the things he couldn't say while Jim was alive.





	1. Week 1

Dear Jim,   
It's been a week since you died. Geoff suggested that I write a journal to help work through my grief. I don't think this is what he meant but here I am anyways, writing to you. Logically I know that you're never going to read these, however I still find myself wary of saying too much. Old habits die hard and all that.  
Spock's captain now. Don't work Jim, he's taking good care of your lady. Spock promoted Sulu to first officer yesterday, but Sulu doesn't seem too excited about it. Don't blame him, given the reason for it. Geoff is acting CMO right now. I removed myself from duty. How can I save someone else's life when I couldn't even save the one life that meant the most to me?  
Three months Jim. We only had three months left of this mission. Then we would have been home. I could've introduced you to Jo-Jo. I could've introduced you to my Ma. I could've told you....nevermind. It doesn't matter anyways. You're dead and now I can't do any of the things I wanted so badly to do.

Bones Out.


	2. Week 2

Dear Jim,   
I keep thinking about how I'm never going to hear that stupid nickname again. I keep expecting for the door to my quarters to open and you to waltz in bugging me about whatever Spock did on the bridge to annoy you today. Or for you to come into medbay, bleeding from some random body part.   
In other news, I'm back to working in medbay. I just needed to be doing something other than moping around the ship. Maybe this will help with the pain. Maybe, but probably not.   
Big news, Uhura's pregnant! She's about ten weeks along and she's super happy. Spock's pretty happy too. Even if he would never admit it. I'm glad that I got to be the one to tell them. Everyone needs a little happy news right now, to bring moral back up a little bit. Scotty's going to officate their wedding next week. They were going to wait longer but with the baby on the way and Vulcan customs being what they are, they didn't want to wait any longer. I think it's a good idea. Maybe it'll bring some cheer back to this ship.   
That's all the big news for this week Jim. I'll keep you updated. 

Bones Out.


	3. Week 3

Dear Jim,   
The wedding was yesterday. Spock and Uhura looked so happy up there, even Spock couldn't keep the slight grin off his face. He'll deny it, but I have pictures. It was pretty joyous, probably the first time most people had smiled since you died. Everyone was happy as long as they didn't look at the empty chair in the front row. It was kind of quietly agreed that an empty seat be left for you. Everyone avoided looking at it too much, no one wanted to start crying in the middle of such a happy event.   
We miss you Jim. You should be here. You should have been at the wedding today, everyone knew just how much you were looking forward to it. We had a moment of silence for you instead of the speech you were supposed to give. Galia came to me after the wedding and we just sat in my quarters and drank until we either didn't feel the pain anymore or we passed out. We both passed out Jim.  
I don't visit the bridge anymore. Everyone always looks at me with big sad eyes like "look he's forgotten that Jim's dead." Like I could ever forget that. It's my fault you're dead Jim. I should have gotten to you sooner. I should have saved you. You trusted me to save your life and I failed. I'm sorry Jim. Wherever you are right now, I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me. Even though I don't deserve it. 

Bones Out.


	4. Week 4

Dear Jim,  
It's been a month since you died. Nothings gotten better yet. Gaila still comes and visits and we get drunk. Everyone looks sad all the time. Even Chapel started crying in the medbay when a patient reminded her too much of you. Everyone misses you so much. Even the Enterprise herself seems to miss you. The lights seem to be duller in the corridors. The food seems to be blander than ever. Chekov told me the other day that the bridge doesn't seem to be a bright and welcoming without you there smiling. Scotty claims that the Enterprise's engines have been a lot quieter lately. He's pretty worried about it.  
But it's weird because no matter where I go on the ship I feel you there. Like you're watching over us. Weird things have been happening all over the ship too. For example, Scotty swears up and down that someone called him from a different room and when he got there to see who needed help the room was empty. But its a good thing he went into that room because if he hadn't there's a good chance the ship might've blown up. I didn't say anything to Scotty about it, but I think it was you that called him into that room. Are you here with us still? Are you watching over us? Are you still trying to captain the ship?  
God I sound crazy. But still, strange things have been happening on the ship. There's no other explanation. I miss you Jim. I wish I was with you. 

Bones out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'll be posting new chapters at least once a week. Please comment!


	5. Week 5

Dear Jim,  
I think I sounded a bit crazy in my last letter. No, I know I sounded crazy in my last letter. But in my defense I was a bit drunk. Galia had just left and I was feeling down and I guess that I was just looking for you in everything. Despite the fact I know you're gone, I still expect to turn a corner and see you bounding down the hallway towards me.  
My Nana called me this morning, she heard what happened and wanted to check on me. I'm thankful for the chance to say hi to her. It's been to long since I last talked to her. She spent an hour regaling me with stories of my Ma and what Jo-Jo's been up to. I wish you could have met her. She's such a sweet lady, you would have loved her. She would have been trying to feed you everytime you walked into the house, or another room, or anytime you were on the property. Basically she would have been shoving food at you, you would have loved it. That woman can make a mean biscuits and gravy.  
I miss you Jim. 

Bones Out.


	6. Week 6

Dear Jim,   
Starfleet is working on our assignments for after this mission is over. They offered another five year mission to Spock. He hasn't accepted yet, but I think he will. Regardless, I've decided I'm staying on the Enterprise. Starfleet offered me a ground posting but this is where I feel close to you. I sometimes look out the window at the stars and just think how happy you must be, floating among them. Of course that's not the reason I gave Starfleet. I gave them some bullshit about how I enjoy the frontier medicine I can practice in deep space. They bought it but I don't think I fooled anyone else. Even so, that's the reason I'm giving to anyone who questions me and my motives.   
They think I'm getting better. I've started my normal cranky facade again, just a bit. But I still cry everyday in my quarters. I still miss you a lot. I still talk to you out loud even though I know i'm just talking to air. As long as I can keep them fooled I'm in the clear to continue working as CMO on the Enterprise. I'm not ready to get better yet. I don't really deserve to get better. You're dead because of my failures and that's never gonna change no matter what. I need a drink.   
I miss you Jim. 

Bones Out


	7. Week 7

Dear Jim,   
Spock took the mission. Him and Uhura will be raising their kid here on the Enterprise. Sulu will also be staying with us. My entire medbay staff is also staying, despite getting better offers on other ships. When pressed on why they stayed, they just say that they like the Enterprise and don't want to leave. I think that they're being over protective and it's stalling their careers. However I find myself grateful for their presence none the less.   
Actually the entire bridge crew is staying for the next mission. Starfleet tried to fight it but Spock shut them down with some highly logical reasons on why they should stay. Of the rest of the crew, ninety percent of them are staying with the Enterprise for another mission. Bless their souls. No one want to leave this tin can just yet. Your family is staying together Jim.  
Uhura's doing well. She's about fifteen weeks along now and the baby bump is starting to show. Pregnancy suits her. She's glowing more than a lightening bug in summer. I have an appointment with them tomorrow to find out the sex of the baby. I think I'll suggest the name Leonard if it's a boy. Spock will probably give me some logical reason to not name his son Leonard, the pointy eared bastard.   
I miss you Jim. So much. 

Bones Out.


	8. Week 8

Dear Jim,   
Today marks two months since you died. Which means there's only one month left on this mission. So according to the fates of the universe that means that an away mission has to go bad. Because we can never do things the easy way on this ship. So now I have Spock, Sulu, and a couple of security officers asleep in my medbay. Thankfully no one was killed, but it's still a pain in my ass. Uhura is in charge right now because Scotty ended up in a biobed as well. He was playing with things he shouldn't have been playing with.   
Of course that means that it's the perfect time for Klingons to appear out of nowhere and demand for our captain. Almost managed to steal Uhura right of the chair. Galia managed to stop in time and no harm was done to either mother or baby. But wouldn't that had been a surprise for the Klingons. A little tiny human woman, four months pregnant, and very fucking angry. I give the Klingons five minutes before they would have sent her back and run off, tails between their legs. That woman is scary as hell.   
Oh, by the way! They're having a boy. I suggested the name Leonard. Uhura laughed and said she'd consider it. Spock said it would be illogical to have two Leonards in such close quarters, as it would be confusing to both the adult and the child. Stupid green blooded hobgoblin with all his logic.   
I miss you Jim, everyday. 

Bones Out.


End file.
